Want some cheese with that whine?

It's been a while since I posted something here; just felt pretty brain dead lately, I guess.
Or maybe I just needed another period to cocoon or decompress, not sure which.
I started this blog simply as a way to vent about anything and everything melanoma related or otherwise that completely stressed me out....
Lately, it seems like all I have been doing is griping, whining, moaning and complaining...so much that I can't stand my own thoughts the majority of the time...At least since September, anyway.
I wonder at times where I went. I can't even remember now what I was like before melanoma blasted itself into my life...that blissful ignorance is gone. That innocence is lost....
It has been replaced with a new reality. A new normal.

In a minute, I am going to force myself think of all the good ways that melanoma has changed my life, but first, I ought to give a small update on what has been going on with me for those couple of you who are wondering and can actually stand to read my rambling ;)

Last Thursday I had a drain installed into my left lower gut to drain a honkin' seroma/lymphocele that had formed where my pelvic and abdominal lymph nodes were removed. Despite a couple of scares getting started, it all went off without a hitch; at least once the nurses at the interventional radiology place realized the horrified expression on my face was related to the fact that the tube was NOT supposed to be placed in my lower back. Over 1 liter of fluid was drained from that area...Yep...more than a liter. Good LORD, no wonder my back was starting to hurt and I felt like I was almost 4 months pregnant. Now I just have to stick it out until the drain is pulled and hope like hell that that lymphocele doesn't come right back...

Okay. On to all the good things that have come about in my life whether directly or indirectly because of melanoma:
(Some of these are pretty standard and cliche, but don't knock 'em because they couldn't be more right and true)

I have had the honor to meet, whether through MPIP, email or when extra lucky--in person--some incredible and amazing people that I wouldn't otherwise have met if it weren't for this nasty diagnosis.

I have found out more people care about me (I mean really care) than I ever would have imagined. Kind of sad, actually, that it takes something negative like a cancer diagnosis looming over a family like a black storm cloud in order to let true feelings out. I love my mom and dad to pieces, but sad to say, I grew up in a house where physical affection like hugs and stuff just weren't doled out very often...And saying I love you...well that was something that was just 'implied.' Before I became a stage III melanoma patient, I think the last time my mom said "I love you" even when ending a phone call was on September 11, 2001, and I'm not kidding...before that I think I was 5. I know, I know...cry me a river, right? *slapping myself now*...Now, she says it a LOT more often...and that is an amazing gift.

Melanoma and the very real possibility it has of terminating my life prematurely has woken me up to LIFE and all the things within it that I had always taken for granted before...The most important of which are all the people who mean so much to me.

I have learned to fully appreciate each day, week, month, and especially year, I am given for the gift that it truly is. This part may be a little overkill, melodrama, etc. for having stage III since I know all too well that it could always be worse, and there are people dealing with so much more; a far larger threat....But still, I force myself to think of the worse scenarios in order to remind myself to appreciate more where I am right now. When all else fails, I can always slap myself around a bit when I get too neurotic and morbid.

Anyway, those are a few of the things I could come up with. For the most part, most of us dealing with melanoma know that it brings along with it more than its fair share of crap. Today, I needed to think of something positive.

Even if only to remind myself.