An update from the land of the looney.

Woke up at the butt crack of dawn this morning and figured I oughta take advantage of it and post an update here, since my time on the computer has been so scarce lately. Perfect opportunity around here...the very rare moment when it is nice and quiet....

I think what woke me up was that I rolled over on my arm. Man, this sucker hurts like hell...Feels like Alien is going to come bustin' out of one of these injection sites....Either that or the right side of my skull since it is starting to get all plugged up with a cold....

Man these suckers are getting sore, and if I do say so, fairly to moderately nasty. They are ooozing, swollen, red, angry and a fair amount of them hurt like a bitch....Small price to pay, I guess, especially since aside from the local symptoms, I have virtually no side effects whatsoever from this vaccine trial...Crossing my fingers that this all means that I am actually getting something in those shots, because it seems pretty obvious that my body is reacting to something unless I am misunderstanding things....Hope like hell it works and kicks melanoma square in the ass!

Had my last set of vaccine injections last Friday (2/9). Six rows of three injections. The first round was done in my lower arm on the inside, so all in all, seven weeks worth. The next trip I have to make to Philly that is related to the vaccine trial will be on the 28th for the DTH testing to see if my body has mounted a reaction. They inject into my forearm, then on March 2nd I go back in to have the DTH injection site checked by ultrasound (YES, there is a light at the end of the tunnel....aaahhh, March!--see last post). At the visit on the 28th I was already told that I would be ordered up another CT scan to check everything out on the inside too....Now, it goes without saying that this freaks me the HELL out...Man, I am scared this time around. More than I ever have been before anyway. My stomach is knotting up already.

Aside from all the trips to Philly lately, things have been pretty psycho around here. A little more so than what would be considered normal for us, anyway. Since before Christmas, the kiddos have brought home two different varieties of stomach virus and all manner of colds, ear infections, and on and on....and on. Man, I have to agree with my sister who happens to have asthma on this one: "I would rather have an asthma attack than a stomach bug." When one of my kiddos hasn't been an incubus for viral plague (loved that quote from a movie I saw recently...harhar), things have been the average and typical level of busy for a family...which is to say run around like a chicken with its head cut off at times busy.

That plus the recent ice storm along with my seeming inability to crawl too far out of this slump of a mood I have been in about sums up most of what has been going on around here....

Just can't seem to get my head screwed on straight recently. Always near the edge and it doesn't seem to take much lately to push me over it. I mean, come on....I broke down crying over our heater not working properly yesterday. What's up with that?!?!

I just know I can't stand this black mood I have so easily slipped into so often these last couple of months. I should be counting my lucky stars for all the things I do have to be thankful for....I should toughen up. I keep telling myself that there are a TON of people fighting a lot harder than I am right now, dealing with a whole heap more, and still seem to maintain that upbeat, strong and positive attitude in spite of it all.

Not this chick. On the inside, I have been a mess. I can't stand myself when I get this way....I have got to shift my way up and out of this shitty mood I have been fluctuating in and out of....even if I have to claw my way out of it.

Oh! Here's one from the "it could be a whole hell of a lot worse" category: Not having the great benefits that our family has. So far, knock on wood, they have covered almost everything. I do keep getting those letters that let me know about all the claims that have been made (mostly for my medical care, of course *eyes rolling*). Got one recently that was a printout of the numerous...and I mean numerous charges that racked up with that limb perfusion/abdominal lymph node dissection surgery and hospital stay in November: 150,000 bucks and some change. I about blew an artery somewhere in my skull when I saw that. HOLY SHIT. The cost and value of a human life...huh...Hope they don't decide to just drop my ass off the plan like a hot potato.

Aaaahh, well. Hopefully a brighter more positive outlook is right around the corner. If not there is always the option of a stiff drink :)