My overly addled brain...

Today I feel like I am hanging on to a quickly unravelling rope...my nerves are fried from worrying too much...
Got a call from one of my surgeon's assistants (the surgery coordinator) to ask what seemed at the time, like a somewhat off the wall question: "Have you spoken with the doctor in the last couple of days?" I replied that I had not spoken with him since the day after my last appointment, about a week or so ago. Then he asked "SO you haven't spoken with him since the surgery date was set up?"...I said Nope, I hadn't. The assistant then informed me that he was pretty certain that my surgeon did not want to wait until November 8th to to the perfusion, that he wanted to do it in the next couple of weeks. He then asked what the reason was for the holdup. I told him that I requested not to have the surgery done over my birthday, and informed him that my family had a trip planned for six months now for Halloween. He then made it a point to say, "Ma'am, I don't think you understand how serious your condition is right now. The doctor believes with the magnitude of the situation you are in, and with your being a young woman, you should get this done sooner rather than later. I am sure he does not want to wait until NOvember."
Let me just start out by hollering, "I don't want to be chained to a hospital bed on my 35th birthday...Yes, I realize the seriousness of the predicament I am in, and most people around me have already begun to think me half past whacked in the head, but I digress....
I do believe that my doc will have to explain to me like I am feeble minded, why another week or so to wait for this procedure is detrimental to my case...I am definitely open there...and of course, if he tells me something so devastating that it gets my nerves any more sizzled than they already are....I will jump on it with full enthusiasm...Well, I guess not, this is a perfusion we are talking about...there is no way to be "enthusiastic" about that no matter how much candy coating is obscuring the reality. But I will jump on it with some level of dread...
I am just so reluctant to give this trip up; fun being so important to me...LIVING fully, before being laid up for a bit, but even moreso, I hate the prospect of my family having to give it up...
Basically, it is safe to say, I am WIGGIN' OUT...big time!

The "magnitude" of my situation?....UGH!

Aaahh, well....we gotta do what we gotta do...and when all is said and done, what I want most is to kick this monster called melanoma square in the ass!