PET scan from Hell and other musings from the land of the lost...

Well, God DAMN. That had to be the single most irritating experience in this whole melanoma ordeal yet.
Weeelllll....Maybe NOT. But it ranked up there, that's for sure.

A PET scan on a good day can frazzle the most calm cool and collected person's nerves even just the tiniest bit, but after having this kind of scan on three other occasions, I can honestly say that this time, I was comin' pretty darn close to snappin'!
In general, my day up to that point in time, was an exercise in futility...so it was only fitting I should have a fabulous time in the PET scanner to boot.

I shoulda known when the teacher in charge of the "re-direction room" called to let me know that they had my son in the in school suspension room for passing hateful little notes with one of his friends to his big sis. Now at this age (my son will be 7 in about a month), a child's idea of mean is to do something that would be very embarrassing to the target; something that would make the target the butt of a joke. Usually it consists of something they think is "gross." You know...first graders and toilet humor. Well this went a little beyond that, and turned out to be something humiliating to both myself and my husband in addition to his sister. He and his friend literally had no clue the full meaning and ramifications of what they were doing; they only thought they were being "gross and funny."
Hmph.
Back and forth on the phone with the redirection room teacher, who also happened to have a nasty case of laryngitis and was barely audible.
Then it was off to have the time of my life on a too narrow, hard cot-like structure that passes through what looks like a hard plastic donut at a snail's pace. NO, check that....slower.

But first, I had to get to the hospital and find a decent parking spot. AS IF. I circled around all the somewhat closer parking areas, watching with dismay a half dozen or so other vehicles cruising the area like vultures to carrion any stationary vehicle in a parking spot that happened to have the brake lights lit up.
Aww, Hell.
Further down to the next lot over.
Waaahhhh. Do I sound whiny, evil and sarcastic yet?

I ended up parking a country MILE from the main entrance to the hospital. I was just lurching along in my ,sore and lame assed way when I heard a couple of other people in the first parking lot freaking out on each other over a parking space...Whoa. Nice.
Made my way through the labyrinthian hallways of the main hospital building to Station #10, PET scan department. Now, from the name, I am not sure if I would be completely off the mark in deducing that there would be a few PET scanners.
NO.
There was one.
It was backed up.
So, after my half hour (no LIE) long trek to get to the PET scan waiting area, I called my husband up spur of the moment like, and asked if he could bail outta work to get home for the kids when they get off the bus. I told him I had to huff it on foot about a mile from my parking spot, and it took me at least 20 minutes. That, plus the PET scanner was backed up. I would only have a very narrow margin of time to get home...
I only had to sit in the waiting area for a short time, believe it or not, when I was called to the preparation room to have my FDG injection and my quiet reading/nap time (*you have to sit still for an hour*)...This was not the issue. I was just reading 100 pages or so of my book when I caught sight of the time.
HOLY Mary MOTHER of GOD.
An hour and a half had gone by. There was no sign of a tech anywhere. I thought they had forgotten about me. I had horror visions of a few more hours going by then BLAM! all the lights going out in that department. THen she finally poked her head into the room like a turtle.
"What in God's green Earth is going on? I have been sitting here for over an hour..."
She just told me how backed up they were and with only one camera it really slowed things down.
I'll say.
When I finally got into the PET scanner, I was already ready to strangle someone. Let me just tell you, that is one narrow table! Not only that, but they have to bind you up tighter than a mummy in order to hold your ass completely still. Even more, this particular PET scan facility had this lovely "head pillow' as they called it. They were pushing my head into this hellish contraption more closely resembling a Chinese torture device than a pillow, that's for sure.
Then I only had to lie there. For another hour and a half.
I was bawling my eyes out like a big fat ninny baby by the time the tech finally came to release me. My head was exploding with a migraine straight outta hell, I was achy in spots I never knew existed, my stomach was chewing itself inside out from the extreme hunger of not having eaten since the night before, and I was flippin' out for a fix of caffeine.
OKay...now that was a nice example of being a "whine bag complainer" as my husband and I call it.
But that wasn't all.

I had to lurch and huff it all the way out to Timbuktu to where I had to resort to parking. The lot stretched out into the great beyond reminding me of those shots in horror movies when a person is trying to get to an exit; a way out....and the hallway or wherever they are stretches out unrealistically far ahead of them.
Then there was the beginnings of rush hour traffic to contend with. RRRR.
This was just unreal to me, considering the fact that I got there at around 12:30. It was now closer to 5:00.
HRUMPH--an almost 4 hour PET scan. What the fuck?!?!
I suddenly remembered, at one of a million red lights that I hit on the way home, not only that I had forgotten my XANAX, but also that I had taken out meat to make a cool meat loaf variation that I had thought of, and I would not have time now to mix it up and throw it in the oven and let it bake for a couple of hours.
NOt if we wanted to eat before 8:00p.m.
Oh well....We would just HAVE to go out for dinner. That is never something to complain about in my book, and I was all for it!
So we all piled in the Durango and hit the road for Jake's, which is an awesome hamburger and shake place that wins all these awards in this area for the best hamburgers and shakes.
Now that was a treat, and a fine and perfect ending for an otherwise shitty day.
Then they forgot my sweet peppers.
Good God, what next?
Really, though, you should never ever utter those words for obvious reasons....Most important of which is this: You are sure to find out.
Good God, if there was a day I coulda stood to get annihilated, intoxicated and trashed on any mixed concoction of the alcoholic variety it was this one.



But then I remembered I was on pain medications....and most sane and rational people know that pain meds and liquor are not to keen a combo...Oh well.

Tomorrow is another day.....