Hurry up and wait. But don't worry....yeah right.

Okay. Let the fun begin.
Gotta run up to Philly tomorrow afternoon for a PET scan. But I guess I am getting ahead of myself...at least as far as my last update goes.

Heard from the oncologist on Tuesday afternoon. That was after I had a not quite full scale meltdown with the nurse. I gave her a call to ask if the doc had gotten a chance to review my CT films on the disk, to which she replied that she was pretty sure he had. I said I hated to be a pest, but I couldn't help myself. She assured me that I wasn't. She said she wasn't sure if he was planning on waiting until my visit on MOnday to go over everything or if he was planning on giving me a call. I felt that fragile framework that was enabling me to keep myself from sssnnnnaaaapping starting to crumble. I told her that since they didn't say "all clear" to me last Friday, among other things, that my mind has been allowed to wander too much...Wandering minds, at least in my case, can't help but go at the very least, to the edges of the worst case scenario. Hel-LOoo?!?!

I said "there is no way I can stay sane if I have to wait until Monday. I know there are some more involved details he wants to wait to go over with me, and that, I can completely understand....But is there any way you can give me even a small clue about what his opinion is? Even just a simple or abridged version?"
She laughed at me, but in a nice and sympathizing way.

I am laughing, because she already thinks Ed and I are whacked. She laughs at us. Ed likes to tease her a bit, or even tease me a bit during different parts of the appointments, which both of us laugh at, and she even finds funny. Another time, both Ed and I were laughing and joking about how the grid type alignment of the bumps from my vaccine injections resemble that game seen on numerous kids' menus at many restaurants. You know the game where you each take turns drawing a line and the one that closes the box gets to put their initial there. Staking the claim and getting a point. I said that was cool...If they were ever bored and we didn't have paper, they could just use my upper arm. The nurse was just shaking her head at us with that half smile on her face, "you guys are nuts"....Oh, and another time we (or more specifically, me) were blowing up those gloves and making different animals out of them. They were for the kids....really....

Anyway. There is whacked in a mild semi goofy way....then there is WHACKED like I get when I start worrying....
Sooo, finally and at long last, she told me in the most understanding way that she would either have the doc call me back or call me back herself.
It was the doc that I heard from.
Basically, he agreed with the CT scan. He said there were 2 spots/lesions/nodules that were 1 centimeter or slightly larger that in his opinion, after reviewing my November scans, were definitely NEW. He said there were some other smaller ones in that 5 millimeter range that were new also. When they are small, there is also the slight possibility that they could be caused by an infection, etc. He seemed most concerned with the ones 1cm or just over. He said that given my history and that all of these are new, we had to proceed as if they are melanoma.
He gave me an overview of all the options we will discuss on MOnday:
1. Interleukin 2. This one is only given up in Bethlehem, Pa.
2. Bio-Chemo there at Jeff.
3. A clinical trial, either at NCI in Bethesda, Md. or at UPENN.

He said we would discuss these things in more detail then, because we (myself and Ed) have a lot to consider, being a young family with small children.
But first, I gotta get a PET scan to confirm these spots. If that lights up the same spots as HOT then I will have confirmed stage IV melanoma with lung mets.
Let me just interject here by saying I HOPE THE HELL IT DOESN'T.
But I guess, obviously, that goes without saying..heheh.

It is possible at that size though, that they may not light up yet. For that (if nothing lights up), he said I would be watched very closely and re-scanned at a short interval like a month or so.
Oh no. Watch and Wait. LImbo HELL.

Buut...there is a good flip side to that...if any of this is good. That is, my denial mode could hang on for a little longer. I won't truly have to deal with it yet. Bad, I know. But I will take my sanity wherever I can get it now.
But, to be honest, far as I see it, good would be if these suckers disappear by that next scan. That is, of course, if nothing lights up on that PET tomorrow.
We will know by Monday if something lit up or not....He will definitely have results by then...

As far as this PET goes....
PETS are always such a gas. This oughta be funny. My appointment is at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon. I can have nothing to eat after 8:00 am or so. At first, my nurse told me nothing but water that whole day. She had to get a joke in at my expense after that. She said I would love this next part: NO SOda for 12 hours (*even she knows what an addict I am*). Maybe a very light breakfast at the butt crack of dawn...I LOOOOVED hearing that. NOT.

But when the tech from the imaging place called to go over my instructions with me, she told me I could have that light breakfast as long as it was before 8:00. She also said I could have coffee, tea, juice or even soda before then too! AWESOME. My soda-holic ass was mighty pleased to hear that.
I asked if Carbs were still restricted the whole day before that too (* I remembered this from previous PETs) and she said no. Through trial and error they had come to the conclusion that this didn't really make that big a difference in the results. Let me just tell you that I was jumping up and down as if that prize patrol guy had just dropped by to tell me that I won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.
That carb restricted thing....I wasn't too fond of that. Okay. That is too mild. I absolutely HATED it. Even worse was the going without soda or coffee first thing in the morning scenario.
I am not very pleasant in the morning if I do say so myself. Not nasty...just basically zombified out for a while. If I don't get that jolt of caffeine, it is not a pretty sight. So, that was excellent news.
I will take it where I can get it right now ;)
As far as te results from the PET go, I will try to go against all those negative, neurotic and nagging voices that keep telling me what I hope like hell it isn't...and think positive.
More later....on as the mole turns. Lame, I know...but I haven't been quite right in the head for a few days or so, so there should be a leniency clause.