A temporary lapse of sanity....

Well...Got the MRI out of the way. As much as I love spending time in the tube, that was the easiest part. Waiting to hear the results is always infinitely harder than the test itself. Hmmmm...well maybe the oral contrast cocktail for the CT scans is almost as hard to stomach as waiting for a result, but not quite.
I laugh every time an appointment has to be made for an MRI and the receptionist/scheduler asks if you are claustrophobic and will be needing anything to help you get through the test. I am always tempted to tell them that I am not sure...that if they see me thrashing around as if something lit my ass on fire and screaming to be beamed up to the mother ship that they should send someone in with a tranquilizer.
AS IF any living soul could possibly enjoy feeling like they are closed up in a narrow pipe for a couple of hours while some terrible muzak (*in some cases) gets piped into your ears in the hopes of distracting you from the vast array of bizarro noises that emanate from the MRI machine. As for being claustrophobic, technically speaking, I am not. But it isn't too far a stretch to visualize and imagine yourself having a psychotic episode while being trapped in that tube.
But seriously...while not my first choice for how to spend a beautiful spring afternoon, going completely batshit while in that narrow tunnel-like structure isn't something that has actually happened to me. It is the length of the test that is the killer. I get bored out of my gourd. Today, I got to listen to a top 40 station, which was a pleasant surprise. That has only happened one other time. Both times, no lie, one of the same songs came on the radio while I was in the tube. "I Ain't no Hollerback Girl" by Gwen Stefani. One time I came close to belting it out loud: I AIN'T NOOO HolllerrBACK Girrrrrl... One time I did. They probably considered sedating my ass then.
Anyway...for now that is all through. Now the wait begins. Again.

Waiting is such an integral part of having melanoma. So much so, that while insanity inducing, it wouldn't be complete without it.

In general, lately, I have felt like a woman gone mad. Psycho mad, that is. The bursting into tears goes without saying, but it is interrupted by complete zone outs, black outs and even at times, bursting out laughing inappropriately at sometimes inane and ridiculous things.

My husband and I have had a hell of a few days, but I guess that is a no brainer. Aside from the obvious that has taxed, stressed and upset us, we have had to drop this bombshell on countless family members and friends...

My sister's was by far the funniest response. Strange when I think of it now, that she didn't seem the least bit upset...instead, she made a joke: "Now you have a good excuse to find your nearest hash dealer...to help you get through what sounds like one hell of a treatment coming up..."

Hey maaaaan. Don't think that possibility hasn't crossed my mind sis. Especially in the last couple of days.

Another whacked thing that happened recently, that Ed and I are still laughing about was a learning impaired receptionist at the imaging place that we encountered when I had my PET/CT scan done. She was not there upon my arrival when I signed in, but she made her presence and her objections known loud and clear when I was getting ready to leave.

We didn't have anyone lined up to watch the kids that afternoon, so we had them with us. I was gathering my things up, and this receptionist says to me, "Did they tell you about this test...Ya know, what you should be concerned about....?"

I said "Yeah, drink lots of water to flush the tracer stuff out quicker?" complete with dumbfounded stare at the fact that she chose when I was leaving to quiz me.

"Noooo, NO..." She puckered her lips in a tight disapproving frown. "You shouldn't be round those children.That stuff you just got is radioactive"

Ed and I just looked at each other in a complete state of stupor and disbelief.

I told her that I had had two PETS before and no one ever told me before that I couldn't be around children. She said "WEeeelll...You shouldn't be within a hundred feet of them kids."

WTF? Well color me retarded.

I was completely unaware that a PET scan would make me radioactive; that I would be gassing off some type of noxious fumes that could endanger my children. I do believe that this information would have been critical info that should have been divulged to me by my doctor and nurse, and at the very least, by the tech who scheduled the test...IF indeed it were rooted in fact.

She just sat on her little perch clicking her fingernails on the countertop with that puckered up scowl that gave her the look of just having sucked on a lemon that screamed "what do you plan to do about it?!?"

HELL-OOoo.

There was an ever so pleasant ice storm/mini-blizzard starting to pick up outside and I was an hour from home. What the hell were we supposed to do, have me camp out on a rock hard chair in their waiting room?

So she says: "I guess I gotta let you go home all in one car, cause what else you gonna do now?"

I don't know....maybe go home, lock myself in a dark room and see if I glow bright neon yellow green?

PU-LLEEEZE.

First of all, I know she was full of shit--even my doc and his nurse laughed when we told them at the visit on MOnday, and second of all my bullshit meter is all maxed out right about now. So we hit the road and put this event into our arsenal of Shit to Crack Up Over Later.

Whew. I apologize for that long winded rant there...Just couldn't resist the urge to get that one out.

Now...I wait. And try to hold on to that last shred of something that used to resemble my sanity.