As I sit here worrying myself into a borderline panic attack over whether or not my MRI of the brain will be clear, one thing stands out as true in more cases than not: Allowed too much idle time to think about anything bad, and your mind always wanders and fixates stubbornly on that worst case scenario.Then, if you manage to avoid the depths of insanity that can result, it takes a whole boatload of work to climb up to a more positive frame of mind...
This fear...It comes in waves. Like the tides...
I am not completely sure about this, but I seem to remember reading that if I have brain mets, IL-2 is out until they are taken care of. However..I can't remember for what reason; only that I saw that somewhere.
My luck can't be that bad, can it?
Let me just interject here by saying obviously, I hope like hell I DONT have brain mets, cause damn, I deserve a break somewhere. Just a little selfishness there...I do realize I am no more special than any other warrior who wound up facing this battle for their very life...
But....I want a turn.
IL-2 is MY turn.
Melanoma has beaten me down this last couple of months.
There, I admitted it. Don't like it much...in fact, I downright despise how low I let it sink me, wipe me out...threaten to steal my hope-my thunder....That will to fight has always been there, an undercurrent...Just sometimes more deeply buried than other times...
But IL-2...That is MY TURN to kick some ass, and no matter how nasty it does or doesn't make me feel...My ass will hopefully NOT be the one being kicked!!
Monday, as long as that brain MRI is clear, will begin my days of reckoning.
Until then, taking it one day at a time...Learning to truly appreciate and cherish every day I am given...
And of course, try to stay sane. My kinda sane, anyway ;)
8 comments:
I pity the fool who ever tries to steal your thunder! Monday. IT WILL BE YOUR TURN.
You so totally deserve a freaking break, Sweet Girl. I am really sending the good thoughts your way.
Love, Kim
S,
I've done the same thing over much less, girlfriend. I am praying that you have your chance at IL-2. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
-L
Hi Shannon,
First, I'm rooting for you all the way to start IL 2 as planned and that's what I'm betting will happen. Either way, there are many treatments that some have a lasting response to and I know you will do it when you get to it whatever it is. If that makes sense you're doing well to follow my warbling efforts to express support.
I noticed someone with experience responded so take anything I say with a grain of salt. I've read that they usually hold off on IL 2 until brain mets are treated because IL 2 doesn't cross the blood brain barrier but in some cases they are able to do IL 2 after surgery or other treatments to take care of the brain mets. The point being that usually the brain takes precedence so they want to treat that first. I know someone on the MPIP posted about having brain mets removed with surgery and then they were accepted for IL 2 which they did. I've also read about that in oncology articles online. Hopefully by the time you read this you will have good news about the MRI of the brain and this will be moot.
I know it's impossible not to worry and I'm hoping that you'll get the word soon about what comes next.
As ever, Carver
Ditto to everything everyone else said in their comments. It is GOING TO BE YOUR TURN COME MONDAY. You definitely deserve this break...and, you will go gettem..for sure...melanoma is not going to know what HIT it. It's going to shrink and shudder at your Thunder...love, sue
Hi Shannon,
Please know that you and your family remain very close in my thoughts and prayers. My husband and I are out of town for a couple of weeks so I've been scanning the Board when I have internet access but haven't been posting much. That doesn't mean I have forgotten about my MPIP family. My husband asks me daily for a status update on you.
One day at a time is the way to go. The past is history, the future a mystery so just concentrate on the present.
You have so many fans!!
Stay Strong
King (Kathie)
Stage IV 7/05 Liver mets
Hi Shannon,
First, I'm hoping like hell that the MRI is clear. You really do need a break.
Next, my husband has had 3 brain mets and has had gamma knife for them. The last time, he had gamma knife on a friday and started IL-2 on the following Monday. Because they were small, they didn't need to give him any steroids. He's had gamma knife 3 times and they only gave him steroids once - one shot. If - and that's a big IF - the MRI shows something, it can be dealt with and you can start IL-2 pretty quickly.
We also talked to the doctors about the effectiveness of IL-2 on brain disease. They said that they do not know if it works to control brain mets. The studies just haven't been done.
Hang in there. A lot of people that you don't even know are pulling for you. I'm betting that there are many pulling for you that you do know.
-Katrina
Shannon,
I saw your post on mpip about your mri being clear on your brain! THANK GOD!!!
I don't usually go to mpip anymore but wanted to go see if you posted your results, and yay you did!
You're in my prayers for Monday! May you kick melanoma's nasty butt, and may IL2 not kick yours!!!!
God bless you!!!
Jenny Barton
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